Don't know how to start!

I'm not sure where to start. I was looking at some weight loss blogs, and I decided I should do that... but then I also thought I might just want to create an online journal jsut to express my thoughts of the moment. So, I guess this will become both.

I guess I need to introduce myself. My name is Steph, I am 31 years old, married for almost 13 years, and mom to 3 boys, ages 12(Devin), 10(Dylan), and 4.5(Xander). They are my pride and joy of course! And also my frustration! ;) I have been a stay at home mom for 12 years.

I am also a full time student at Davenport University Online. I have one year left and I will be getting my Bachelor's degree. I am taking a double major: Business Management/Human Resources AND Marketing/Advertising & Promotion. I took my first marketing class and LOVED it, and since I am SUCH a glutton for punishment, I decided to add the second major!
Once I get my Bachelor's, next Spring, I will be going into my MBA program in the fall!

I also got a job that starts August 11th. I will be a Special Education Aide in a Kindergarten class in my sons' school. Xander will be in preschool in the afternoons next year, so he will have to go to daycare in the mornings, which will be a first for him, but I have a great sitter lined up, and he seems to like her.

I have been working on ME lately. I am clinically depressed and was on Prozac for 2 years. I slowly weaned myself off of it because I would rather feel something than nothing! :( Anyway, I decided the main reason I have been depressed all these years is because of all the weight I gained. I used to be very thin, 110 lbs. I am 5'2" tall (or short) so I wasn't TOO thin. Well, ok, I was a bit too thin, but it was not for my lack of eating! lol I ate all the time! And JUNK too!

When I had Devin, I got up to about 140 or so... then I just never lost it. I also had major PPD. I had Dylan, and was heavier... I got back down to about 140, then I got pregnant again... then we lost that baby. :( That sent me into a downward spiral of depression and emotional eating.

I got pregnant with Xander, and got up to around 190. I told myself that I would NOT get up to 200 lbs no matter what! Well, I had him, and eventually got up to 201. That was when I decided to HAD to do something! I had dieted before, I did Atkins, Susan Powter low fat, Dexatrim, 8 Minutes in the Morning, Beach Body, Slim in 6, Tae Bo, you name it, I did it. I would lose and then gain it all back and more.

When I got to 201 lbs, I was working for my friend who owns a candle store, 5 B & Co. She has the best votive candles around! Anyway, I was pouring candles for her when she and her daughter joined Weight Watchers. She was telling me about it, and I was very interested. However, there was no way I could afford the meetings. So the next time I worked, she brought me the book and a sliding scale. She changed my life!

I have been doing WW all on my own for 33 weeks, and I am now at 172.5 lbs!!:) I will never go back to being heavy again! I also joined the YMCA and work out now, when I get the chance! Plus, there is this awesome support group online that I joined: At Home with Weight Watchers.
I don't know what I would do without them!

Anyway, this is probably long enough for now. I do want to post my before and now pictures:

[this picture was hosted on a different site and I lost it. I will post it again when I find it!]

As you can see, I looks a lot better after 32 weeks, but I also look a lot HAPPIER! Not to say I am totally happy yet...

That is the big problem I am having right now. I hope it is not a mid-life crisis, because I really don't want to die at 62! ;) I just can't seem to get HAPPY. I'm not even sure what would make me happy right now. I have a great family, so I really should be happy, but things are nto always as they seem either. My husband and I have had our share of problems over the course of our marriage. I think that even though things are not so bad right now, I can't seem to shake everything that has happened in the last 13 years. If I could only let go of all the bad stuff, I might be able to be happy now... but I guess I always just wait for the other shoe to drop... I am a glass half-empty type of gal.

I AM trying to get happy... I just wish it didn't take so much effort... it really shouldn't take so much effort. Anyway, nuff rambling for today, I will post more later! Got homework...